Who we spend our time with
As we get older, we have more freedom and agency to choose who we spend our time with, but we also have more responsibilities that make exercising that free will harder. And no matter how equitable we try to be, certain inevitabilities seem to be true. Throughout our lives, time spent with our partner and by ourselves will increase while time spent with our parents, children, and friends will all decrease.
This isn’t to say that you can’t make time for meaningful relationships with all kinds of people at all ages, but you will have to fight against the natural course of our lives to do so. Let’s take a closer look at each group.
Family
About the time we get our driver’s licenses, time with family takes a nosedive and then remains flat from the time many of us start families of our own. There may only be a few times per year as an adult that you get together with your parents and siblings. Take the trip. Be nice. Call often in between.
Friends
Time with friends peaks around 18 and then declines sharply in our 20s. It’s natural to cull the herd, but that doesn’t mean you won’t continue to have deep connections with a smaller number of friends. Hold on to the ones who continue to show up. They’re hard to replace.
Children
Time with children peaks in our 30s and 40s. As we saw above, there’s a real cliff looming once they hit their teenage years. You don’t have to get it all in before they move out, but you’ll never again have as many full days in which to try.
Coworkers
The unfortunate reality is that your coworkers are going to get a lot of your daily time throughout the prime of your life whether they deserve it or not. It goes without saying that times have changed since this survey concluded in 2019, but we’re still in a dialogue of sorts with coworkers for a majority of the day even if not face-to-face. If you have the luxury of deciding who those people will be, it’s pretty obvious that the right people can have a big effect on your quality of life.
Partner
While most of us can’t choose our coworkers, we do get to choose our partner. This is one of the only categories that keeps climbing with age. Find someone who’ll make you laugh, let you cry, and wither your enemies.
Alone
The only person we spend more time with than our partner is with ourselves. Get to know them. Take care of them. Enjoy the quiet moments.
Whatever age you are now (or whatever age you feel), it’s not too late to make some changes. While these trends might be sobering, they don’t have to be depressing. They’re just another reminder to check in on the people you love and make time for the things that matter.
I saw this earlier this week and it really hit home. I think its why I have this weird mourning feeling, more time alone, my best "fun" times with co-workers has already peaked, my friends won't be coming back into my life, family time is petered off slightly and will for the rest of my life...only silver lining is trying to cherish the category forced on my now in full, children. It's a difficult transition.