What should you do about a friend your friends don't want to hang out with?

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I have a friend of a friend who’s not the most social, not the easiest to hang out with. It can take a little effort to keep the conversation going. I don’t really mind it, but it seems like my closer friends get a little annoyed when this person tags along. What should I do about this friend my friends don’t want to hang out with? - Friend of a Friend (for now)

Hi Friend,

You know what they say: a friend to everyone is a friend to no one. Or maybe I just made that up. Either way, if you’re friends with someone only because you feel obligated to, there’s a good chance you aren’t fulfilling all the duties that make you a good friend to your, well, friends.

Maybe what this person needs is a lifeline. A social outlet here and there. And maybe you can provide that with or without your other group of friends. But you’re also not a social worker. You’re not being compensated for your time so you get to choose how you spend it.

If you’re honest with yourself, are you getting what you need as a friend from this person or are you both falling short? Ultimately, friendship should be built on shared interests, experiences, and trust. If you’re not hitting these marks, can you call yourself a friend?

Here’s what I would do. Rather than adding this friend on to plans that have already been made, invite them to join you one on one. If you have a good time, repeat. If it’s more trouble than it’s worth, let it fade. You can’t save everyone, but you can make a difference with those you do choose to actively love.