What I would have wanted to know at 22

6 pieces of advice for a recent grad

Photo by Clem Onojeghuo

Part of the reason we might not feel the age we actually are is that we’re different ages to different people. To our parents, we’ll always be kids, but to actual kids, we look and act more like parents.

I had coffee last week with a recent grad who just moved to the city, and I was happy to share my story and let him know that I, too, was once a kid with nothing but a degree and a smattering of experience hoping to get his foot in the door somewhere, and that many years on from that point I’m still curious about what’s next and what will make me happiest and seeking advice from those who have been there before.

Whether he was genuinely grateful or just polite, I hope he knows it was helpful for me, too. It allowed me to forgive the remnants of my 22-year-old self who didn’t know how to network or interview. It allowed me to realize how much I’ve learned in the intervening decade, and the value I now have to offer those who are just starting out.

Here are a few of the things I told him:

1. Get in the door somewhere, anywhere, as fast as possible. You’re gonna have to do things you don’t want to do, but the sooner you find out what you don’t like, how to talk about what you do like, and have any kind of experience showing up day in and day out, the sooner you’ll find a better fit.

2. Nail the old-fashioned thing. There are certain timeless behaviors that humans appreciate from other humans. Eye contact, punctuality, doing the thing you said would do. It’s the same thing my parents told me and their parents told them, remarkable for their increasing rarity.

3. But don’t be too old-fashioned. No one wants to get a message addressing them as Mr. or Mrs. and anyone who does expect to be addressed this way isn’t going to give you the time of day anyways.

4. Respect everyone’s time. Everyone wants to be helpful. If you make it easy to help you, people will.

5. Be vulnerable. Lean into not having everything figured out. I’m much more interested in working alongside someone who is curious about what they don’t know rather than someone who postures like they know it all.

6. You don’t have to network if you’re nice. People are typically remembered for two reasons: making an ass out of themselves at the holiday party or being kind. Nice guys might finish last in the near term, but they’re first to mind when you need someone you can trust.

What would you add to the list?