What are we owed by those we admire?
When you traffic in attention and authenticity, should you be surprised when people want access?
You’ve probably thought about it, too. What’s the right amount of fame?
I always say that I’d want to be writer famous (go figure) – a respected name, but a seldom recognized face. If I couldn’t go to the coffee shop without a hat and sunglasses, that would change my life in a way that money and recognition couldn’t offset.
It’s not rare to see celebrities in New York. I see familiar faces walking their dogs, picking their kids up from school, or out for a bike ride most weeks. So when I walked by a new neighbor recently and felt the tingle of recognition, I was surprised to realize that it wasn’t someone you’d typically notice on the street. It was a writer, but not a prize-winning-adapted-for-TV writer. In fact, it was someone I subscribe to here on Substack.
The strangest part of this experience was that I never have the desire to interrupt the day of a “star,” but when I first passed this new neighbor on the street, I had the sensation that I knew them and that I should say hi or thank you or love your work. I guess that’s what good writing does. It puts a piece of you on the page and opens you up to being known. But I don’t know them. So I let them go about their day in peace.
In the few times I’ve seen them since, I’m left wondering what we’re owed by those we admire, and how it’s changed with the prioritization and monetization of personal brands. I respect the craft of an actor like Daniel Craig, but I haven’t connected with him, his characters, or those of his peers in the same way I have with a few working writers on this platform.
The two aren’t an apples to apples comparison, but that’s kind of the point. Without a studio and a marketing machine behind you, to get to the point where you’re recognized on the street, you have to sell a pretty good product, and often that product is yourself. And in this economy of personal exchange, the more confessional and the more authentic are the ones who can ride the algorithms to more views, likes, and ultimately, dollars.
When you traffic in attention and authenticity, you shouldn’t be surprised when people want access, but just because someone shares a day in their life or a personal essay, does that mean they aren’t entitled to privacy when they’re not actively consenting to that kind of access?
The rules of engagement aren’t as cut and dry in this age where the camera is always rolling, but for me, it’s the golden rule forever and ever amen. Would I be tickled if one of you stopped me on the street to say keep up the good work? You bet I would. Would I be less enthused if you interrupted a meal to do so? Probably!
The risk of the above is pretty low, but it’s a helpful exercise. We’re all human, even the jerks. Act accordingly.