So you wanna date in a pandemic
Well, don't. But if you must...
If your significant other is in the next room while you read this, take a moment and think about what you love about them, what they contribute to your wellbeing, the trespasses they forgive in the name of your bond. If it’s still working for both of you…
If you’re single like me, pat yourself on the back and luxuriate in the new muscles you’ve developed and the dating survival instincts you’ve sharpened. This isn’t a sob story for us. Like anything else, what’s made dating more difficult this year has also heightened the satisfaction of the connections that did work out.
To be frank, winter pandemic dating is not for the faint of heart. If you’re burnt out from work or other obligations, it’s not easy to find the energy necessary to jump through the added hoops of an already fraught undertaking. It’s safe to say loneliness has taken its toll on all of us regardless of relationship status.
When NYC first locked down around this time last year, I was just starting to sink my teeth into the dating scene. I remember dramatically throwing my phone across the room when I realized that just as the pandemic was taking away the cultural fringe benefits that made paying rent in New York worth it, dating apps were now reduced to their worst part—the pen pal phase of chatting in the app—without any chance of the payoff of an in-person connection.
Eventually, though, spring emerged and outdoor dining rooms and spacious parks filled with overdue dates. Laying down a blanket and uncorking a bottle of wine never seemed like a better way to get to know a stranger from the internet. As time and energy permitted, I tried to go on 1-2 dates per week, noting the fundamentals that remained largely unchanged alongside the new habits formed in accordance with social restrictions.
Throughout the summer and into this colder weather, here’s what I noticed on these dates…
We’re all a little out of practice. It takes even more to thaw frozen hearts in this climate so don’t judge your date by their first bad joke.
Everyone has a dog now. Everyone. Competing for affection with actual emotional support animals is a losing proposition.
Hugs are nice. I will never forget the electricity that raced through both bodies during my first prolonged embrace of the summer after going mostly untouched through the earlier part of the year.
There are no more go-to date spots. It’s a blank slate. It changes week to week and depends on the weather. Some favorites have shuttered for good and others have drastically reduced hours. For most of the year, even if you could get back to a former spot, forget about getting cozy in your favorite booth.
Spending time indoors is a BFD. Whoopi Goldberg, who can speak for me anytime, famously said (about marriage), “I don’t want somebody in my house.” If you endured a chilly cocktail or two on date one and get an indoor invite next, that’s a good indicator that you successfully fooled them into thinking you’re a normal person.
Masks are anti-lip locking devices. We’re so conditioned to wearing our masks that the first thing we do as we gather ourselves to part is to put ours back on. The best part of a decent first date was the anticipation of reading body language at the end to see what the proper goodbye would be. These days, a goodnight kiss is mostly off the table until you’re in a more relaxed environment (I’ve heard horror stories of mask-on-mask action. If you’re one of these people, knock it off).
Dating isn’t easy, but it never was. What have you noticed? What’s changed or stayed the same for better or worse?