Dating dispatch
A report from this side of the grass
A few weeks ago I stumbled upon something I’d never seen in the wild. I was meeting a friend to shoot pool and instead of being asked for my ID on the way in, the doorwoman asked if I was there for the event. The event in question? Speed dating.
I was not there for the event, but I was very interested to see who was. At the start, about 12 pairs of men and women sat down, all of whom appeared to be in their 20s or early 30s. Though not close enough to overhear any conversations, we did get a chance to debrief with two women and one man who participated.
The women were friends. They didn’t meet anyone interesting, but they were glad they’d tried something new. They were mostly curious about how my friend and I had found our respective partners, and shared a knowing glance when I mentioned Hinge. They were fun to talk to for a few minutes, but whether their carefree attitudes started during the event or only at the relief of it being over was hard to tell.
We only spoke to one man, but he may have been representative of the group. He was socially awkward, sidling up to us as we chatted with the women, and quick to steer the conversation toward his job and alleged ownership of multiple cars. The only qualitative feedback he had on the experience was opposite that of the ladies: whereas they thought 4 minutes per date was too long, he said it wasn’t enough time to properly get a read on the person across the table.
I simultaneously admired this group for getting out there and felt relieved that I was merely a spectator. I used to have fun in those situations, putting my best foot forward into the void, but statistically speaking, it was almost always a bust. And that’s what I’d impart to anyone who’s feeling the toll of putting themself out there again and again, especially at the end of another year.
You have to sift through a lot of incompatibility to find a few people you hit it off with. Out of those lucky few, there might be one or two you can go the distance with. While those long odds might make you want to get off the ride, I hope it also provides a little perspective on the micro-setback that one bad date actually is. I hope it makes you want to line up another date and take it just seriously enough to give it a chance, but not any more seriously than the one conversation in a long life of conversation that it is.